From my journal, modified

From my journal, modified:
Entrepreneur’s choices: up at 3am to finish some work to satisfy the mind, while what my soul wants is to be holding her next to me in bed, her sleeping head on my arm.
It’s the eternal challenge of change agency. Ego chases the chosen Self, perpetually lagging behind, perpetually challenged, eyes on the delta while Self looks to the finish line. Yet present pulls on the future, challenging it too, as a reminder of continuity, as a reminder of mortality and the few hours that stand between it and birth: on average, 27,740 days, only 18250 actually spent doing something as productive adults, only 11000 if you count out weekends, sick days and holidays.
11000 days, each forgettable, each memorable only in the lessons that it carries to the next one, and in the memories of simple moments that give more meaning to it all. Some glorious, many wasted.
People who changed this world (for the better or for the worse) also had 11000 days, and sometimes much less. And for most, the most complete record of who they were is not in their achievements, in the lives they bettered around them, in their contribution to evolution. For the selfish their most complete record will be their credit record, and the default epitaph that it entails: (s)he spent more than (s)he earned. Takers get taken. Others have the most precious gift of all: the ability to choose. It is also the hardest and the least comforting. So many doors, so little time.
What do you want to do with those days ?
Can you really let that question sink into "later", or does it deserve a better answer this very morning ? Will you welcome the question with a comforting flight, with the next post, with the next blinking light, or will you honour your purpose and unearth it from the death dirt of the daily ?
Tick-tock is a knock.
Vulnerant omnes ultima necat.
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Updated: November 30, -0001 — 12:00 am

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